I found God - Kristie Botti

It has been a full day on US soil and I have done nothing but reflect back on my experience in Poland. Being bombarded by family members asking how my trip was and being faced with assumptions that Auschwitz is such a horrible place. Well yeah of course it is not Disney World, but it has caused me to do things and think in ways that I have not done so in quite sometime.

Before I left for Poland I was nervous. Nervous about how I would react to walking the land where millions were killed. Nervous about whether I would be able to establish a bond with my classmates. Nervous about whether I would find God in a place of destruction. I was nervous before I left for Poland. During the week I was faced with many what ifs and questions in regards to the Holocaust. Where was God? How do people become mass murderers? All of these questions that I was unable to answer were clarified throughout the week.

The first few days of visiting Auschwitz were hard for me. I did not break down, I did not become emotional, and in fact I did not feel much. I was numb and unable to imagine how someone could think up all of the ins and outs of the process in which the prisoners were taken through. Why were the Jews targeted? I learned that when Adolf Hitler took over Germany he wanted to “Make Germany great again” and get rid of anything that could impact that from happening. He saw Jews as a threat and wanted to make Germany clear of all threats. Therefore, he minimized their location throughout the country by forcing them into ghettos. From there, they were deported to concentration camps where they were stripped of their identity and transformed into just a number. I could not even think that God was anywhere near these occurrences because why would he let this happen? Then Wednesday came along. We were involved in a multi-media lecture. This lecture included questions displayed on a computer screen in which you could click on to reveal multiple videos of speakers answering those questions. All of my questions were answered on this day.

Where was God? How do people become mass murderers? What I learned in this multi-media lecture was that God does not control our actions. We are all born with good and evil inside of us and it is up to us how we will act. God does not depict which one we choose to use; he just supplies us with the ability to use one. Therefore, God was there the whole time. He was the hope inside each and every one of those survivors. He was the people that helped prisoners escape. God did not cause the bad. Human dignity is what caused the bad. People are born with good and bad inside of them some just exploit their bad intensions to a maximum. That is what creates mass murderers. That is what caused the Holocaust. The lack of human dignity and the exploitation of the bad is what caused the deaths of millions of innocent people in Auschwitz. 

Before I left for Poland I was nervous. Nervous about how I would react to walking the land where millions were killed. Nervous about whether I would be able to establish a bond with my classmates. Nervous about whether I would find God in a place of destruction. I was nervous before I left for Poland. I left Poland a new person. I left Poland with a new mindset on human dignity. I left Poland with a complete understanding of where he was. I found God. I found God in the concentration camps of Auschwitz and Birkenau. I found God in Sister Mary, Dr. Procario-Foley, and Dr. Rozensher. I found God in my 14 incredible new friends who I admire so much. God was there and he continues to be here. He is who led us all to join this class. We are now witnesses and as the survivors of the Holocaust begin to decrease in number we will be the ones to share their story. I am a witness and I will not be a bystander. It is up to us to make a difference in this world to ensure that this will never happen again. Thank you for an incredible experience Poland.