Seeing Europe Through a New Lens: Auschwitz 1

The gates of Auschwitz 1

Auschwitz is an indescribable place so I believe the best way to convey it to readers is through my raw emotions.  It was like walking into an all-encompassing feeling of devastation and pure shock. Even if you were to  study  Holocaust history, learn about the concentration camps,  read every book and analyze each memoir nothing can prepare you for physically stepping foot into Auschwitz.  The greatest realization was I knew in the back of my mind that at any moment I could leave whenever it was all too much to bear, but that wasn’t a choice the victims ever had. 

The first question I had, as I became a witness to the unimaginable conditions behind the barbed wire was, “Where was God?”  Faith is the foundation of my life and it is very important for me to find God and turn to him even in the worst of times.  I was relieved to hear a story in the beginning of our tour of what I believed was Gods presence within the camp.  I have always believed that God is present in even the darkest moments and sometimes he carries out his most prominent works through people.  Maximilian Kolbe is a prime example of God’s presence within the concentration camps.  He sacrificed his own life for another prisoner who had a wife and children.  I believe this testimony gave me the strength to get through the entire tour.  God never abandoned the victims of the holocaust and he did not abandon me during the rest of my tour. 

Book with names of victims that were murdered during the Holocaust 

On the tour we wore headphones and our passionate guide poured terrible yet gently spoken statements into our ears as we watched the unfathomable unfold before our eyes.  One of the first exhibits we went to, featured video footage of victims of the holocaust before the war.  We saw their carefree, normal and every day lives.  It broke my heart to think that they were robbed of the happiness I saw on each of their faces.  The next room we walked into was filled with a book that was much taller and wider than it ever should have been.  Unfortunately within this massive book were the names of those that perished.  It was while flipping through this book that I realized it was not just a general group of millions that died at the camp.  Instead it was millions of individual lives- each with a name, a family, a story and a purpose.  Each person murdered in the holocaust doesn’t have a book about him or her, or a museum, or even a tombstone.  I couldn’t help but feel like it was my job to make sure the memory of the individuals did not die as well 

Hydrogen cyanide, form of Zyklon B (chemical used in the gas chambers)

We were given the facts.  I told myself not to overthink anything that was told to me because I knew I would get overwhelmed with  pain.  I remember staring at the light blue pellets used to exterminate victims in the gas chambers and feeling numb.  I then saw a pile of glasses and realized I was wearing mine too.  If this horrific event were happening today my glasses would have undoubtedly been in that pile.  We looked at a heap of shoes, suitcases, and hair combs that were previously owned by prisoners.  If that wasn’t hard enough we then entered a room with mounds of human hair.  I felt my heart sink and was surprised I did not pass out at the sight of it.   At first I thought it was inhumane for victims hair to be put on display but then I realized that it was exhibits like that, which made the holocaust real and undeniable.  I later learned that the hair was not being preserved and was being left to take its natural course of disintegration.  Something that I found just as hard to discern was the plates and household items the prisoners brought with them to the camps.  It made me understand that they truly had no idea where they were going.  Some even brought cosmetics and formal attire so it was very difficult to look at the blue and white-striped uniforms hanging upon the walls that ultimately ended up being their reality.  These everyday items, that we all handle, these bits and pieces of humanity helped to drive home the point that this could have been any one of us. 

Glasses taken from prisoners at the camp

Our last stop on the tour was the gas chamber.  I walked in closed my eyes for a moment to collect myself.  I was standing in the spot thousands of people took their last breath due to hatred.  I was able to pump air through my lungs without fear, unlike those souls who came before me.    I was able to look around at my group of peers and know that we would all exit the chamber safely.  It made sense that it was raining that day because my feelings were as dark and gloomy as the weather. Still in all of the darkness I witnessed, there was one candle I could light.  My visit to Auschwitz lit a spark within me that I will never let fade.  That fire will burn bright each time I think back to my experiences at Auschwitz. I will be inspired to stand up for social injustices.  I will never forget, always advocate, and never be a bystander from now on.