Auschwitz 2

After witnessing the vastness of Birkeneau and the horrors of Auschwitz 1, it is definitely going to be difficult trying to settle back into Iona with these images on replay in my mind. Even in the shower, trying to go to sleep and just sitting, I keep seeing the same nauseating, unforgettable, and grotesque images replaying over and over again in my mind as I contemplate what I have witnessed this past week. I will never be able to forget the last view of the barbed wire fence from the women’s quarter where the women who were too sick to work waited for death with no hope of freedom, liberation or peace. I can still see the children’s quarters with children’s names are carved into the walls, most of them never seeing the light of freedom. After witnessing those tragic, horrific sites, it is shocking that it could get worse but again and again I was confronted by yet more images of horrifying detail.

The crematoriums and the pond where the ashes were dumped, for example, had to be one of the most horrific, heart wrenching, nauseating and shocking sites I have ever seen. It literally knocked the air out of me to the point where I couldn't

 breathe and was nauseous. It was infuriating thinking of the disrespect that these people received and thinking about the respect they deserved. It really hit home to me the idea that it is the largest nameless cemetery. They were nameless and forgotten, but we will remember them. The disrespect was nauseating and unbelievable with the SS men’s house literally five feet from the crematorium and pond of memories and bodies. Being there and knowing that there were thousands upon thousands of people suffocated and burned there, some of them knowing full well that they were walking the march to their death and this was last time they would see their loved ones as they held them in their hands, was heartbreaking.

I think something that was very assuring though and gave me some closure was the prayer that we did at the site where they burned the bodies in open air, and putting rocks and flowers on the memorial. I was really grateful for the chance to be able to honor the victims and show them that we remember them even if we can’t see their grave or don’t know their names. We can remember that they were people with loved ones, families, and stories that will never be forgotten.

It was crazy to see how actually big the camp was. Even after going, I still have trouble visualizing the camp. The memorial was really moving too because it showed how each nation was uniquely affected and just how many people were affected around the globe by the Holocaust showing just how large it was. Even though it was such a tragic event, coming here sort of restored my hope because I was severely depressed the first days and after coming here all I wanted to do was to go home. After reflecting on it and talking about it in group, I was able to realize that if I was able to find even a shimmer of hope and light in this bleak severely dark atmosphere, then everything else seemed brighter and I would be able to find it anywhere else. I look at things brighter now because I have been to hell on earth and was able to find a tiny light in it through the stories of the survivors. I am more grateful for everything I have been blessed with.

Even with the horrific and heart wrenching pond, it was sort of peaceful. I thought of how at least now these families that were ripped apart through deportation and selection are together once again in this tiny little, rose covered pond. They are in a better place than at Auschwitz with all of that suffering and pain. Additionally, the sunlight shining on the pond showed the light that was evident in the camp (through defiant requiem, lectures, heroism etc). There was a lot of wind at the pond which made me think of how at the popes funeral, it was really abnormally windy and it flipped through all the pages of the lectionary. These thoughts I think enabled me to have some of the nagging questions I had at the beginning to be answered like where was god in Auschwitz. I think that’s what helped me get through this and not be severely depressed, and to hope for the future that this horrible tragedy is not repeated.

 --Grace Watters