Kate Ann Gonta: Where was God?

Entering the gates of Auschwitz I, I had an overwhelming feeling of nervousness come over me. In just a few minutes, I was about to walk in footsteps that had already preceded me. It was a cold and rainy day and I could already picture how miserable the prisoners must have felt living here.  How unimaginable they must have felt standing for roll call every day for hours on end in this weather.  I was already freezing standing there for only a few minutes!

The first block we went into provided us with pictures, facts and artifacts on how the prisoners were exterminated. Auschwitz was the largest Nazi German camp and death camp.  1,300,000 people came to auschwitz.  Out of that number, 1,100,000 were Jews, 140,000-150,000 were Poles, 23,000 were gypsies, 15,000 were soviet prisoners of war and 25,000 were prisoners from other countries. 1,100,000 people died in Auschwitz and 90% of those victims were Jews. The majority of them are murdered in the gas chambers. It was hard for me to wrap my head around this high of a number.

The people were selected on the railway platform.  The woman and children to one side and the men to the other. Our tour guide told us, that if woman had children, they would usually give their children to their grandmothers so that the mothers themselves had a longer chance of surviving. All I could think about is if I was put in that position. What would I do?  I don't think I would ever be able to hand my children over to my mother to go die. I would rather die with my children, than apart from them.  Plus, it would be my job to protect them for as long and as much as I could.  The people who were to be gassed were assured that that they were going to take a bath. 2,000 victims were crammed in the chamber which was about  210 square meters, the doors were then locked and Cyclone B was poured. After 15-20 minutes the chamber was opened and the victims were stripped of their hair, earrings, rings and then transported to a crematory.  We then walked into a room that had a huge display of all the victim's hair that had died in the gas chambers. That was when it all hit me. All I could imagine was what if that was my hair?  After seeing the hair, we also saw the victim's glasses, suitcases, kitchen supplies, shoes, and hairbrushes. Seeing all these items that once belonged to innocent people, made this experience even more real for me.

After, we headed to block 11 which was known as the "death block."  This block served several functions, but the most important was its role as the central camp jail. Both male and females were held in this building. The people who were sent here were either accused of escaping, organizing mutinies or maintaining contact with the outside world.  In the basement were punishment cells. The prisoners were either sentenced to starvation in the starvation cells, which held about 40 prisoners at one time or sentenced to death by standing in the standing cells which held about 4 prisoners at a time for over 20 hours. Having a glimpse into these cells, I still can't believe that human beings were ever put in this condition.  I was asked if i wanted to step inside the cell and imagine it for myself with 3 of my fellow classmates, I couldnt even get my feet to move, that was how shocked I was.  Especially after seeing the gas chambers, I can't believe that human beings put other human beings, especially innocent human beings through this type of torture.

I did not really know what to expect from today. I knew I was both nervous and anxious, and I was hoping that seeing Auschwitz in person would answer a lot of my questions. However, it ended up making me feel more unsettled, having more questions left unanswered and I even started to doubt myself on my choice of what I would do if I was put in this situation.  The biggest question that I left Auschwitz with was "Where was God?"