The Everlasting Effects...

It has been a month and two weeks since I have returned from Poland. I have had much time to reflect and truly understand what I witnessed and subsequently, how it has affected my life. As a senior, I have reflected a lot about my four years here at Iona College. I look back at how I would stress out about school work, extracurricular activities and how life can be so hard and get in the way. However, these issues have evolved into great opportunities here at Iona which have helped me understand that everything works out and to always attempt to look for the good. Ultimately these experiences have shown me that God always has a plan. As I have had other opportunities to have this constant reminder and lesson, Poland has helped me formulate the mindset that I have a blessed life. For me, personally, it is still hard to fathom how many people suffered during the time of the Shoah. I have read numerous books and articles and had the opportunity to be present at Auschwitz I and Auschwitz-Birkenau, yet, the suffering that occurred there is something I could not even begin to fathom.  

During our tour we were told a typical day at Auschhwitz-Birkenau:

Wake up at 4am.

Breakfast (received water and herbs).

Camp numbers were checked and roll call was completed.

Prisoners were sent to work four around 11 hours a day. Prisoners were given 20 minutes for a meal as a short break.

The prisoners were given 3 meals a day but not enough to survive. 

Sent back and numbers were checked again.

Bed.

Try to imagine a daily life like that, I know I couldn’t. I lived a blessed life. I go daily with a pretty packed schedule but I have the opportunity to laugh, eat 3 healthy meals a day, and live a free life. I live a blessed life. Of course, I am not perfect but I always look at the good in my life.

After this experience, my outlook changed as I have become ever-grateful I am to have food, water and the necessities each day to live. Not only did my outlook on life change but how I see others and how I will advocate for those who can’t is now forever changed. I never was one to voice an opinion or belief but now I understand how important it is to not be a bystander and to be an upstander. It was not something that I thought much about or realize how truly important this prior to this trip. As a future speech language pathologist, I will advocate for my clients and groups who don’t have a voice. I will shut down negative connotations about other groups when brought up and I will always stand up for what I believe in.

Experiences like this are what mold and affect your life greatly. I am so grateful for this experience and I am certain that this experience will remain with me as I get older. I was talking to one of the class’s professors how an experience may not affect your way of thinking or mindset right away, but, rather, the experience could gradually come into your life. As I have already gained so much insight and aspirations on who I want to be, I know this experience and what I have learned will help me in the future in completing my goals and reaching the pinnacles of success.

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Birkenau

Day IV- Birkenau

Arriving at Auschwitz II-Birkenau matched what I imagined a concentration or death camp to look like. First, the tour guide guided us to the main watch tower that was used for the SS guards. The tower had windows that had a view of the whole camp and it looked like it went on for miles. A great deal of this camp was destroyed by the Nazis after they were

caught before the camp was liberated by the Russians.

Before taking our first steps beyond the tower and into the camp, we walked to the railway tracks where a cattle car was placed. Being able to see a cattle car in person was emotionally touching because this is where many people died and is one’s grave in a sense. When thinking about death in the Holocaust, I always imagined of the camps but not what happened in the cattle cars. These small, dark transit cars were the beginning of the journey of so many deaths and suffering for prisoners. We walked back and took our first steps onto the camp and traced the same steps of thousands that walked their way to their death. Again, I attempted to walk in women, men and children’s shoes.

Before the war, Auschwitz II-Birkenau was a village in Poland and those living in the village were expelled. These houses in the village were demolished and the camp was built. The Germans made the prisoners build the camp and Birkenau was planned to hold 100,000 prisoners. Although, this number was not ever reached the camp still held 90,000 prisoners.

We walked into a barrack that was originally used as a horse stable, but this is how I imagined a barrack to look like when reading The Holocaust Kingdom. "The barrack was a long wooden shed originally intended as a stable for horses...triple-decker bunks stood against both walls and a narrow aisle was kept between bunks and walls." This was identical to what I was witnessing. Up to 600 people lived in one barrack and these barracks were built with no foundation, only concrete floor and triple bed bunked beds where up to 6 people slept in one bed.

One moment that really struck me was near the end of the tour. A picture of women and children was placed near the woods which was where these human beings waited to go to the gas chambers. There was such worry and confusion on their faces. We walked the same route to the gas chamber as these human beings did and I could only put myself once again in the people’s shoes of what they could have been thinking. "Someone began to scream that we were in a gas chamber and they were going to turn on the gas any minute (Donat pg. 141)." Did these woman hear similar screaming? Did they smell the bodies being cremated? Did they know what their fate was? As a woman I could not imagine myself, but also my child or children being put in such a position. A group of women attempted to revolt before going into the gas chamber. They must have known their tragic fate all because of the hatred of their religion. These women were either forced into the chamber or shot on sight.

While we were walking it was unbelievable how much was destroyed by the Nazis and how big Birkenau was. After the tour, later in the day we listened to a survivor’s story who survived Birkenau. It was interesting to hear a survivor’s story and have the imagery of what he went through since we went on the camp prior to this story. He mentioned how without his cousin and his words he would not have lived. I believe this is where God was present. God was in these moments, in Stan’s story, in the survivors and those who helped. Many people lost their faith in God but some kept their faith. God was there during the Shoah in many ways. This experience was very raw and during this time it so quiet and easy to reflect. I took time to walk alone and gather my thoughts.

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Names Can Always Be Remembered

Day III- Auschwitz I 

The constant reminder of human lives lost through lists of names that I have encountered has been intertwined during my time here in Poland. In Auschwitz I, a large book called, The Book of Names, was located on the bottom floor in Building 27. This book is a replica which includes the names, birth dates, location and death of those who were murdered during the Holocaust. I first opened up a page and started reading the names of those who were murdered. I then closed and went to a different section. I re-opened a new page and staring in front of me was Fidel Nutka born 1894 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and murdered in Odessa, Ukraine. Philadelphia is the city where my parents were born and raised and is where I hold so many memories that I cherish. This man’s story is unknown, but once again humanity can be connected. In Matthew 27 he talks about how Jesus is leaving his disciples and Jesus states, “I belong to what is above.” This place is one that they could not follow. As a Christian, I believe that names can be remembered but we do go to a better place (heaven) and live after death. Those that lost their loved ones during the Holocaust were and are able to remember them but these people went to a better place and lived a life after death. 

 

I took time to reflect back in the center alone. I prayed to God and reflected on my religion. Prior to this experience, I talked to a friend, who went on the trip prior and she mentioned to me how people may question where God was during this time. God was definitely present, through the survivors and the people who helped those suffering. Prior to arriving in Poland, a week earlier our class listened to a survivor’s story. A Holocaust survivor, Stan, mentioned how his mother was working as a maid and Stan was hiding in a closet in the house her occupation was located. At one point, a SS guard was about to open the closet Stan was hiding in, but his mother distracted the guard. In that split moment, he faced life or death. God was present in this moment that his mother was able to distract the guard. God works in miraculous ways, as Stan is still alive and married today.

The questions that I asked myself in the beginning of the trip are those that I have somewhat, but not fully have found the answers to. During my time here I have learned that throughout my life I will not be a bystander and always be an advocate for those that are voiceless. Being an advocate and being a voice for the voiceless does not always mean in grandest way possible. Little actions go a long way by helping those in your profession and even your next door neighbors. God was present during the time of the Shoah and it was through those that had a voice, that were courageous and were the ones that helped those who had no voice.

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Auschwitz I

Day III- Auschwitz I

This was the moment that I have been anticipating for many weeks. Leading up, I did not feel nervous but ready for this experience. I woke up, ate breakfast and then we walked over as a group to Auschwitz I. The walk was not far, about 10 minutes away from where we are staying, The Center for Dialogue and Prayer in Oświęcim.

When we arrived, we went through security and I mentally prepared for this experience. When we walked outside to walk the pathway that so many souls once walked, the first thing I noticed was the sign that we all know from movies, television shows and history. “Arbeit Macht Fret”, “Work Makes You Free”. Once I stepped through the gate this feeling of despair rushed through my body. As I took each step through the stone-dirt road, in each prisoner barrack and the steps that are within, I imagined as if I were a prisoner during this time. I tried to put myself in their shoes but I can say, this did not do it justice. As much as I tried to imagine myself in this position, it is quite unimaginable. Prior to World War II, Auschwitz was a Polish army base and once the Germans occupied this land, they made it into a concentration camp. Auschwitz I was a prime location for the Germans because the camp was conveniently close to the railway system to bring prisoners in and was between 2 rivers that created isolation from the rest of society. From the years 1940-1945 at least 1.3 million people were deported. The first prisoners sent to Auschwitz were of Polish decent and then mostly the Jewish people. Of this, 1.1 million Jews were murdered because the Final Solution was created to make Jewish people disappear from society. Although, the Jewish people were the largest group that were targeted during the Holocaust, 140,000-150,000 Poles were deported. Many held high professions including professors, doctors and lawyers or were in the Polish army. Priests, monks, clergies and nuns were also deported and sent to Auschwitz. When the prisoners arrived in Auschwitz the SS guard stated that Jews had 2 weeks to live, priests had one month and the others 3 months to live. This reflects Martin Luther and the teaching of contempt. Martin Luther states, “Many, I know, respect the Jews and think that their present way of life is a venerable one. This is why I hasten to uproot and tear out this deadly opinion.” Hitler’s ideology and hatred of Jews reflects this statement by Martin Luther. His hatred for the Jewish people was so prevalent and was able to change and influence people’s opinions of the Jewish people and create the Holocaust.

During our time at Auschwitz our tour guide brought us into the different buildings located on the camp. In the beginning of the tour, I was able to be detached from my emotions, until we reached Building 5. Shoes from the Auschwitz prisoners were in a glass display in Building 5. Could you imagine staring at 80,000 shoes? 40,000 pairs of shoes. As I was walking by, I noticed a child’s shoe. This innocent child, suffered and murdered because of his or her religion. We then walked into Building 6, and the first thing that I saw were images of women, children and men prisoners. As I was walking past looking at all of the faces, I could not help but look at their birth and death dates. I found a woman that passed away on my birthday and one that passed the same date of my mom’s birthday. As I took the time to reflect later on in the day, I could not help but think how those dates are so significant in my life, and was to these two woman and their families. These prisoners had lives before their time as prisoners and were murdered. We as human beings always find connections with one another. We are all humans that want to find love, laugh and be with family members. We try to find the hope and good in everyone and I assume that maybe these women did too. It is quite scary to think about how this could have been easily switched to primarily my religion. Hitler would have murdered more Christians and anyone having a different ideology if Germany was never beaten in the war. Humanity can be so beautiful, but so cruel..

As I kept imagining myself in the life of a prisoner, we finally reached one of the last buildings, Building 27; the lives of prisoners before the Holocaust during and the end of the Shoah (Holocaust). As I went through the part of during the Holocaust, there were children’s drawings on the wall that was a replica of what were on their barracks' walls. As I was staring at these images, I was thinking of how their innocence was stripped away. When I was a child, I was drawing my house, friends and family while these children drew people being hanged and a man being shot by a SS guard. No face, no name, just their drawings of what their lives have come to.

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