Seeing Europe Through a New Lens- Auschwitz Birkenau by Caroline Farella

    

Carts used to transport victims to the concentration camps

I knew that visiting Auschwitz-Birkenau was going to be difficult.  I reminded myself that if just learning about the experience of the camps was taking a toll on me I could only imagine the horror of living it each day.  I thought perhaps my second tour would be easier since I had already heard and seen so much devastation.  Sadly, my theory, along with the theories I carried with me to Poland, were wrong. I got through yesterday at Auschwitz 1.  So I knew I could get through today.  I was confident the second day would be easier but I was wrong.  I started out the morning with a calm spirit. When we arrived at the camp we were told we were going to go on a little detour before we entered.  The whole walk there I was chatting with my friends but I was quickly silenced when I looked up and in front of me stood cattle cars.  They were the wooden transportation for the victims journeying to their gruesome fate.  I stared at the carts and felt my relaxed mood rapidly diminish.  People were shoved in that car, had no room and no knowledge of where they were going.  I thought about how scary the unknown must have been.  I thought back to the valuables people brought with them because they had no idea what was in store for them.  Some people did not even make it to see the camp alive because the conditions of the carts were so poor.  I turned away from the carts and we made our way back to the camp.  My confidence that this day would be easier was brutally shot down when the first stop on our tour was to a guard tower that overlooked the entire camp.  It was bigger than I could have ever imagined. I looked out onto the acres of land, dozens of barracks, and multiple watchtowers.  I was in shock about the amount of land that was provided to exterminate innocent people.  We had entered a malicious sanctuary of death.  The ultimate goal of the land I was looking out upon was to make sure no one that exited those cattle cars and entered the gates of the camp came out alive.

Barrack where the prisoners slept

                             

Throughout the tour our guide had us all take turns reading stories from Holocaust survivors in the areas in which the memories were from.  The housing conditions for the people would be inhumane even for a street rat.  The walls were made of thin wood, there were gaping holes at the top which let cold air seep in, the ground was muddy and the air was damp.  The bathrooms allowed for no privacy and the seats were close together and as cold as ice.  I told myself again not to over think anything but the statements from the survivors made everything too personal to not mourn over.  We then walked into another barrack in which I was asked to read the statement from a survivor that had once lived in one.  She explained how horrid, unhygienic and infested the barracks were.  My heart raced as each painful word rolled off my tongue.  My eyes couldn’t fight the tears any longer.  I was so angry that blameless people had to suffer so much for no valid reason.  I felt guilty myself that there was nothing I could do that would change the events that took place on the very soil I stood on.   But nothing compared to my intense emotions as when I looked around the barrack and saw graffiti of insensitive people that signed their names on the walls.  I told the tour guide that I could not believe people would come here and have the audacity to sign their name in a place where hundreds of human beings suffered.  The guide made me realize that the disrespectful acts that I saw were nothing compared to the swastikas she had found while giving a tour last year.  I was disgusted about how inconsiderate people could be.  I was so distraught and I was tempted to paint over each scratch myself.  Hadn’t the victim’s received enough cruelty and disrespect?  I felt all the emotions I was trying to keep down inside me rush up all at once. 

Plaque remembering the victims of the Holocaust

Suddenly in all of this darkness there was a light peering through again.  Before me were beautiful plaques from all different countries and in multiple languages that stood in solidarity.  The purpose of these plaques is to serve as a reminder to those who visit this “decent into hell” that they have been warned about what humanity is capable of.  Throughout the remainder of the tour I held onto these words, all around me were signs of the worst reflection of humanity.  At the end of our tour we had a service to pray for the victims that had perished in the Holocaust.  The sun shined through the gray skies and the gusts of wind served as a reminder to me that the Holy Spirit surrounds us. I have always believed the good outweighs the bad and the righteous people win in the end.  I couldn’t let myself believe the people that come to the camp to take selfies and draw insensitive things were going to stop people who came to honor the victims and had pure intentions.  I could not let myself accept that Hitler and the Nazis won the sick game that was the Holocaust.   Our service ended and we made our way out of the camp.  In the distance we heard singing.  I thought I was imagining the angelic voices at first but then before my eyes were hundreds of Jewish people singing and holding up the Star of David proudly.  The bad did not come out victorious.  Goodness had made it through.  Hopefulness still prevails.  The survivors and their descendants are living proof that evil did not win that war.  

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Seeing Europe Through a New Lens: Auschwitz 1

The gates of Auschwitz 1

Auschwitz is an indescribable place so I believe the best way to convey it to readers is through my raw emotions.  It was like walking into an all-encompassing feeling of devastation and pure shock. Even if you were to  study  Holocaust history, learn about the concentration camps,  read every book and analyze each memoir nothing can prepare you for physically stepping foot into Auschwitz.  The greatest realization was I knew in the back of my mind that at any moment I could leave whenever it was all too much to bear, but that wasn’t a choice the victims ever had. 

The first question I had, as I became a witness to the unimaginable conditions behind the barbed wire was, “Where was God?”  Faith is the foundation of my life and it is very important for me to find God and turn to him even in the worst of times.  I was relieved to hear a story in the beginning of our tour of what I believed was Gods presence within the camp.  I have always believed that God is present in even the darkest moments and sometimes he carries out his most prominent works through people.  Maximilian Kolbe is a prime example of God’s presence within the concentration camps.  He sacrificed his own life for another prisoner who had a wife and children.  I believe this testimony gave me the strength to get through the entire tour.  God never abandoned the victims of the holocaust and he did not abandon me during the rest of my tour. 

Book with names of victims that were murdered during the Holocaust 

On the tour we wore headphones and our passionate guide poured terrible yet gently spoken statements into our ears as we watched the unfathomable unfold before our eyes.  One of the first exhibits we went to, featured video footage of victims of the holocaust before the war.  We saw their carefree, normal and every day lives.  It broke my heart to think that they were robbed of the happiness I saw on each of their faces.  The next room we walked into was filled with a book that was much taller and wider than it ever should have been.  Unfortunately within this massive book were the names of those that perished.  It was while flipping through this book that I realized it was not just a general group of millions that died at the camp.  Instead it was millions of individual lives- each with a name, a family, a story and a purpose.  Each person murdered in the holocaust doesn’t have a book about him or her, or a museum, or even a tombstone.  I couldn’t help but feel like it was my job to make sure the memory of the individuals did not die as well 

Hydrogen cyanide, form of Zyklon B (chemical used in the gas chambers)

We were given the facts.  I told myself not to overthink anything that was told to me because I knew I would get overwhelmed with  pain.  I remember staring at the light blue pellets used to exterminate victims in the gas chambers and feeling numb.  I then saw a pile of glasses and realized I was wearing mine too.  If this horrific event were happening today my glasses would have undoubtedly been in that pile.  We looked at a heap of shoes, suitcases, and hair combs that were previously owned by prisoners.  If that wasn’t hard enough we then entered a room with mounds of human hair.  I felt my heart sink and was surprised I did not pass out at the sight of it.   At first I thought it was inhumane for victims hair to be put on display but then I realized that it was exhibits like that, which made the holocaust real and undeniable.  I later learned that the hair was not being preserved and was being left to take its natural course of disintegration.  Something that I found just as hard to discern was the plates and household items the prisoners brought with them to the camps.  It made me understand that they truly had no idea where they were going.  Some even brought cosmetics and formal attire so it was very difficult to look at the blue and white-striped uniforms hanging upon the walls that ultimately ended up being their reality.  These everyday items, that we all handle, these bits and pieces of humanity helped to drive home the point that this could have been any one of us. 

Glasses taken from prisoners at the camp

Our last stop on the tour was the gas chamber.  I walked in closed my eyes for a moment to collect myself.  I was standing in the spot thousands of people took their last breath due to hatred.  I was able to pump air through my lungs without fear, unlike those souls who came before me.    I was able to look around at my group of peers and know that we would all exit the chamber safely.  It made sense that it was raining that day because my feelings were as dark and gloomy as the weather. Still in all of the darkness I witnessed, there was one candle I could light.  My visit to Auschwitz lit a spark within me that I will never let fade.  That fire will burn bright each time I think back to my experiences at Auschwitz. I will be inspired to stand up for social injustices.  I will never forget, always advocate, and never be a bystander from now on. 

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Seeing Europe Through a New Lens

Photo taken at the Jewish cemetery in Oświęcim, Poland.

We arrived in Poland on Saturday morning and we went right to exploring the town of Oświęcim.  I did not even feel tired from not sleeping on the flight anymore because I was so excited to get my experience in Poland started.  Due to my excitement and energy, I almost forgot how hard the trip ahead of me was going to be.  I was quickly reminded of the tragedy that went on in the very area in which we were living.  

Sister Mary brought us to a Jewish Cemetery (photo above).  The moment I stepped into the cemetery I knew something was off.  I have gone to funerals and have visited my loved ones graves, but this cemetery was different.  My family members that have passed away have beautiful tombstones and flowers around them.  They have loved ones that come visit and I never need to worry about his resting place being disrupted.  

The Jewish cemetery was different because it did not seem at peace.  It was sad to learn that the cemetery was destroyed out of hatred. It is unbearable to think that people despised the Jews so much that they did not even think they were deserving of a decent resting place.  

Although the cemetery saddened me, it also gave me hope to see that volunteers pieced many of the broken tombstones back together in attempt to preserve what was left.  I learned that placing rocks on tombs is a sign of respect in the Jewish faith.  I said a prayer for all of the souls in the cemetery as I placed a stone on top of a large pile of shattered tombstones- each one with an innocent persons name on it.

We were then able to see an average Polish cemetery on our way back from the Jewish one.  The difference between them was immense. In comparison, the Polish cemetery felt much more at peace than the Jewish one.  It was filled with flowers, candles and visitors. All of the tombstones were representing the correct person that lay underneath.  I would soon learn that this was just the beginning of the eye-opening journey we had just embarked on.  

           

Statue of Pope John Paul II in the Square (Wadowice, Poland)

The next day was SO EXCITING!  I am such a nerd and I love Pope John Paul II so I was very interested in learning more about him and going to the place he was from.  

Wadowice was beautiful; the museum was the highlight of my day.  The museum was very modern and very attention grabbing.  I learned so much about JP II and even got to stand in the room where he was born! There was one room where there was sand/dirt from each Country he had visited during his time as the pope.  As someone who loves to travel, has been all over Europe, and plans to spend the rest of my life seeing the world, it was very inspirational to see how one person made a lasting impact on every single country that he visited. I will never influence people the way that JP II did around the world.  But I do hope to spread peace, form genuine relationships with all different people and be open minded to all unique perspectives, religions and cultures of others. 

It was also very moving to see the amount of broken ties in Jewish-Christian relations JP II mended.  Especially after learning about this history in our religion course, it was remarkable to be able to see the facts we learned carried out with love by JP II in reconciling with the Jewish population.  Along with the theme of reconciliation the last major inspiring point I will take with me was how he was so willing to forgive the person that attempted to murder him.  If JP II can forgive someone that attempted to take his life I can forgive anyone.  

The Basilica located next to JPII's home and museum. (Wadowice, Poland)

Following the museum we went to a psalm Sunday mass at JP II’s Basilica.  It was such a unique experience to be able to go to mass in Poland.  I have gone to mass in Europe before when I studied abroad in Ireland but I have never attended a mass that was in another language.  I did my best to follow along and it was not too hard since the overall structure of the mass was the same as the one I attend each week on Long Island or in New Rochelle.   Receiving the Eucharist was very confusing but we all figured it out together.  I prayed that we would all have the strength to get through the week with clear minds and full hearts and that each of us would be able to recognize our personal purposes of going on this trip. 

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