Beauty IN the Beast (By: Krissy Bucchi)

It has now been almost a month and a half since I have returned from the most powerful and moving experience of my life. For my senior year Spring Break, I decided that I was going to Study Abroad with Iona the history of the Holocaust, and it is easy to admit that I am forever changed as a human being.

When I returned to campus and classes started again, my friends were talking about their vacation to Florida, a mission trip to Philadelphia, a first time experience to California, a week spent at home with family and friends, an adventure in Las Vegas, so many wonderful experiences where they laughed and smiled. My Spring Break was not like that at all, so when the questions started I didn’t exactly know how to answer.

“Hey Krissy, how was Poland? Did you have fun?” I sort of stood still for a few seconds, put my head down to think, and then picked my head up with a fake smile and answered, “Hey! Yeah it was powerful, I learned a lot.”

I process traumatic experiences different than others. It is not easy for me to just ‘move on’ or ‘know that what you saw was just history.’ From beginning to end I was emotional even when I wasn’t crying. The images and words that I saw and heard throughout the week made it real for me.

This monster that was created, this ‘Beast’ that I refer to the Holocaust as, was awful. It sucked the air out of your lungs and punched you right in the gut leaving you breathless. It made your body tremble head to toe and you felt so numb that walking didn’t seem possible. It made you feel weak and my heart hurt feeling so much pain, but then I remembered reading something that said, “Sometimes feeling pain reminds you that you’re still alive.”

Every night I pray. I can spend hours praying sometimes. So let me bring you back to a night in Poland where I prayed quietly to myself in my bed. It was Wednesday (March 23rd, 2016 ) after I had just gotten off the phone with my father, “Goodnight kiddo, I love you.” For some reason those last few words hit me and I started to cry. I turned off the lights and snuggled into bed before I started to pray.

“God, thank you. Thank you for this opportunity, for placing me right here in this moment at Poland. It has only been half the journey this week but I have already learned so much and felt so much. Why do I hurt inside? Why do I feel my heart broken? These people I am studying experienced such terrible things. Why? I feel their pain, I feel their sadness. Tonight I fed my belly with warm food, I washed my body, I heard the voices of my parents, and now I am lying in a soft bed with blankets. So many children had none of those things, but I do. Thank you for waking me up today and for the clean air I can breathe. I love you Lord. Thank you for never leaving me, you are so good. God, you are beautiful in all things.”

I continued my prayers as my thoughts were being thrown all over the place in my head. I feel that God allowed me to see something special in all of the horrible things that happened in Poland. God allowed me to see beauty. Since I have returned from my Study Abroad experience, each day I think about what I have taken away from the trip to Poland.

Recently I think back to the sounds of nature. One of the first things that stood out to me were the trees. During down time in Poland I remember telling one of my best friends from back in the States about how the trees in Poland were so different. The sound the air makes, its smell and taste as it fills your lungs. The color of the sky and the sparkle you see with your eyes. The birds grace and how they float over each gust of wind. The way the sun shines its warmth against your skin and how its color brightens your face.

Putting all of this into perspective, I think about if the prisoners experienced this beauty too. I feel as if they must have, as if it was this kind of hope that would keep them alive throughout their time in the camps. I believe that there was ‘Beauty in the Beast’ of history that these prisoners experienced. I think that is why we still have the ability to see it today because it always existed.

I will be graduating in less than three weeks from Iona College, and I must say that traveling to Poland was the highlight of my college experience. It brought me outside multiple comfort zones and has shaped me into a woman that will share my experiences and education of the Shoah for years to come. To the future students of the Poland trip let me leave you with this; if you choose to read these blogs from past students know that it is all real. When you find yourself writing your own blogs you will understand. What you will experience will shake you in your bones, make your blood boil, tingle your skin, water your eyes, and it will also show you a new way to love, smile larger than ever, open your eyes to new perspectives, and allow you to appreciate everything you have.

Always remember to be a witness, never forget, and never again. Thank you Iona, thank you EPF and Dr. Rozensher, thank you to my team, and thank you Poland; this experience will continue to live inside my heart forever.