"I Will Find Sanctuary in Your Arms" -Rachel Baio

                                           Gate at Auschwitz I "Arbeit Macht Frei"


I don't know what to feel, and I think that has been the hardest part of my journey in Poland so far. Walking past the gate of Auschwitz I and reading the words translated to say "work will set you free", I knew those words didn't actually mean work would set these innocent people free. And as I looked back at the gate, I couldn't help but think about how many times the prisoners have looked back at that gate without the freedom to exit it.


Walking the footsteps of not only the prisoners but the soldiers gave me a feeling that I really can't describe because truthfully, I don't know what it is. Decades later its hard to picture the devastation of Auschwitz as you enter the camp, especially because it truly looks normal at first, and the pizzeria across the street doesn't really help either. But once I saw the double barbed wire fences and the bunkers I realized exactly where I was. The guard towers and railroad tracks always stuck out to me in photos and videos, so to actually see them with my own eyes was heavy. Again, I didn't know what to feel. I tried to imagine myself as a prisoner and how my life would be everyday in the camp; constantly living in fear, being watched, and losing a part of myself. But how could I ever imagine this? Its impossible to feel what they felt. And maybe thats why I couldn't find a feeling to describe.


There isn't one specific thing that hit me hard in Auschwitz. Everything hit me in a different way. Just walking on the dirt and uneven stones made me aware of my surroundings and I felt like I need to be gentile. I didn't want to kick anything around, I didn't want to step too hard, I didn't want to hurt the ground that has been hurt so much already. I just don't think its possible to wrap your head around that fact that you are walking in the footsteps of those who were innocently slaughtered for their beliefs, and because they weren't what the Germans considered useful. I don't think it is possible to comprehend the fact that your footsteps are following the paths of SS guards who murdered 1000s of people with no mercy, including women and children. Children.


When I saw the child clothes and shoes I was sick to my stomach. These little children, babies, were executed upon arrival. They had no chance. They had no tomorrow. Most of the Jews had no tomorrow. They packed suitcases assuming they were going to need their belongings for another day, but another day never came.


Shoes of victims found in a warehouse 

The hair in the bunker of the Jews who were liquidated and then shaved so their

hair could be used to make materials made me nauseous. I didn't want to go too close to the glass because it just didn't feel right. I think that this was the only time in Auschwitz I really felt a presence of those who are unrestfully spread over the camp. I didn't want to disturb them. They have already been disturbed so much.


Finding out that the Germans used the Jewish bodies for profit was disgusting and disturbing. They really had no conscience. Whatever was the cheapest way to do something they did it, even if it meant pulling out hair and golden teeth out of the corpses they murdered. There are no words for this.
The disgust and disturbance only worsened as we entered the area of the gas chamber and crematorium. I wasn't expecting to enter the gas chamber and crematorium, so when we walked inside I really didn't know what to do except stare and imagine the fear that was trapped inside. A lot of the Jewish people knew what was happening to them when they entered the chamber, and that breaks my heart. Such a painful death and so unnecessary. Our tour guide informed us that the ashes of the victims weren't just thrown away, they were used to fertilize the land. 6 million times the Germans did this. I was purely in shock. Jewish custom of death is to be buried immediately, never ever cremated. Not only did the Germans cremate the bodies, but they used them as a resource for the land. That is not a grave. That is inhumane. But thats exactly what the Nazi's wanted; to dehumanize the prisoners until a number became their identity.
                                                                                               Barracks at Auschwitz I

The camp was empty, and it made me feel kind of empty. You imagine concentration camps filled with SS guards and victims; you imagine concentration camps as they were in the 1940s. To enter the camp and see the absence of these people but to learn their history I new exactly what Porcario-Foley meant about the presence of absence and the absence of presence. All of the events of the Shoah were unnecessary. That is what makes me so angry. These people didn't do anything to deserve this.


As I walked through the camp a single phrase kept popping up in my mind, "I will find sanctuary in your arms." This is a lyric from a song that really moved me during my trek around the camp. As I attempted to visualize my life as the prisoners', I  decided to maybe think a little more positively and suddenly became aware of the overwhelming joy that would come when liberation came. I thought of
their liberation as finding their sanctuary. Their safety. I also thought about the phrase as God giving them sanctuary in his arms, for example not only during life in the camp but especially during death. There is so much unrest in Auschwitz I and II, and I like to believe that God has taken these souls and given them sanctuary in his arms when they were killed. I like to believe that God has given these souls safety and a place to rest permanently and peacefully.
 
    

Sanctuary by Alex Clare <---click this link for an awesome song